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April 7, 2017 – Monologue Jokes

1. In a recent interview, Ivanka Trump said not to conflate her father’s lack of public denouncements of certain events with silence. Which I’m pretty sure was how he signed every belated birthday card...

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April 17, 2017 – Monologue Jokes

1. Companies in the notoriously workaholic country of Japan are offering employees bonuses if they leave work early. Begging the question, is that how Donald Trump made his fortune: 2. The education...

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April 27, 2017 – Monologue Jokes

1. Simon, a 3-foot long Welsh rabbit, was found dead in the cargo hold of a United plane after a flight from London landed in Chicago on Tuesday. United apologized for the death of Simon, or, as he was...

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May 5, 2017 – Monologue Jokes

1. Today, Vice President Mike Pence will host a Cinco de Mayo celebration at the White House. The only way picking Pence for that job makes sense is if they thought ‘Mayo’ was short for mayonnaise. 2....

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May 10, 2017 – Monologue Jokes

1. On Tuesday, President Trump fired FBI Director James Comey. The timing of which many political experts called “very odd” and Hillary Clinton called “six months too late.” 2. Bill O’Reilly and...

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June 2, 2017 – Monologue Jokes

1. According to a new poll, there are more gay people in America than adult virgins. This according to a poll taken somewhere other than ComicCon. 2. Doctors are warning women against a new trend of...

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June 30, 2017 – Monologue Jokes

1. A man in India has broken the Guinness World Record for longest time spinning a basketball on a toothbrush. I don’t know whose record he broke, but I think it’s safe to assume it wasn’t Anthony...

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January 26, 2018 – Monologue Jokes

1. According to his alleged-mistress Stormy Daniels, President Trump is deathly afraid of sharks. Is he afraid of all sharks or, like Charlottesville, does he make an exception for the great white...

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April 29, 2019 – Monologue Jokes

1. Actress Salma Hayek’s husband, French billionaire François-Henri Pinault, pledged almost $113 million to rebuild Paris’ historic Notre Dame Cathedral. And, considering his tastes, I assume the...

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July 1, 2019 – Monologue Jokes

1. In a new interview, openly gay presidential candidate Pete Buttigieg said statistically it’s “almost certain” the United States has already had a gay president. “I knew it!” said Dolly Madison. 2....

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August 12, 2019 – Monologue Jokes

1. A 107-year-old woman in the Bronx said the secret to her long life was never getting married. “Solid advice,” said Nicole Brown Simpson. 2. Last week, a Florida man who goes by the name ‘Murder’ and...

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